by Captain Alyse Caldwell Except for all the special feasting, Chris is really Bah Humbug! about the holidays.  So move us aboard our 44 foot trawler full-time and what’s a girl to do? As full time cruisers we had the holiday season all wrapped up – literally- before Halloween.  Since we weren’t ever quite sure how far we’d be from a post office in December it was simpler to find local treasures for family along the waterways throughout the year. We’d wrap these gifts in old charts for a bit of a nautical theme and ship them from small towns along the ICW. By the time the Holiday season was really upon us we could enjoy swinging on the hook in the Florida Keys and meeting snowbirds in various sized vessels who also escaped the frigid north winds. On Christmas Eve, wherever we landed, I would persuade Chris to hop in our dinghy with me and go caroling in the anchorage. Sporting antlers with bells or red Santa hats, sometimes we recruited a small chorus of dinghies from nearby boats that usually ended up more of a floating party than a songfest. But, everyone who politely listened to our feeble attempt at warbling received a stocking stuffer.  As payment for the auditory assault, hotel size shampoo and soap are big hits with the smaller boats who dinghy ashore to shower. Festival of Lights "The Raven," a 41-foot Meridian owned and decorated by Ray and Holly Atcherson. For those grinches who need some help, there’s nothing to put you in the Holiday spirit faster than a lighted boat parade…watching one, that is. Decorating a boat can be a real challenge yet it can be done much easier than in a traditional home. But if you decide to join the parade, remember that the captain must be able to safely see, navigating among all the brightly colored garland and lights. And while the sparkle of champagne is enticing, all crew members should hold off until the boat is securely back at the dock before popping the cork.  I know, bah humbug! While we do own bragging rights to a few trophies in the 40ft+ category, remember that Chris is not usually a willing elf when it comes to boat decorating. So, over the years living on our boat we have scaled back for the boat parades and we now assume the role of cheering masses. But we still have some holiday décor aboard to brighten the season. When I finally committed to learning the art of the bowline knot, decorating aboard actually helped me perfect my knots- practice, practice, practice! With some old thin line cut into short lengths I went up one side of our 44 foot boat and down the other, tying a bright string of lights to our handrails using the bowline knot. After 88 linear feet and 15 more across the stern I was a knot-tying ‘spert! Nonetheless, the scent from a simple spray of evergreens tied with red and gold ribbon will put the ho-ho-ho in your waterfront home with a lot less effort. Just swing by the local Christmas tree market and ask for a few discards sawed from the trunks. When you tell them you are on your boat they are always glad to accommodate! I’ve even snipped a few casuarina pine boughs and added blooms of red bougainvillea to jazz up our teak dinner table when we are in the islands. Get creative and remember that a cruisers favorite four letter “f” word is FREE. If you have room for a small tree then be sure your ornaments are boat-proof. Unless you are sequestered in a super protected marina, almost all boat trees take a tumble at least once or twice from the wake of a go-fast boat. Wooden or paper ornaments survive the crash with much more grace than your great grandma’s antique heirlooms. Battery operated candles are the new rage and are quite realistic as a much safer option on a boat. One year I created an art deco tree with a dead branch, white paint, a small string of lights and oyster shells. Yes, everything you ever needed to learn in life you really did learn in kindergarten but having a cruiser’s fix-it mentality doesn’t hurt. Mmmm…What’s for dinner? Because our first holiday aboard taught us that our tiny galley oven could only hold a 12 lb turkey, our Christmas Turducken got really creative. A Turducken is a de-boned turkey stuffed with a de-boned duck, stuffed with a de-boned chicken. Really….in a boat galley. We discovered that our boat-sized oven couldn’t fit anything that large so each bird was the smallest we could find and the chicken got demoted to a quail. Try deboning something smaller than a sea gull and imagine the salty %@!# words you’ll invent. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Captain Alyse Caldwell, right, entertaining in style. Coming from New Orleans, holidays are all about the food. Then again, everything in New Orleans is all about the food so first you must know what makes a holiday a holiday for you. Then adapt your menu when you realize how cooking aboard is different than being ashore. We’ve met cruisers who believe pizza and ice cream creates the most wonderful Christmas dinner and you can’t convince them otherwise. When you consider that most boat reefers can’t keep ice cream frozen solid then you might agree. Pass the whipped cream! More of a traditionalist may substitute a turkey breast if you really don’t have the room for leftovers from an entire bird. Or break totally with convention and go with our favorite: surf and turf which is a much less expensive undertaking when you go native. Taking on the local surf option you can substitute lobster for Georgia shrimp, Chesapeake Bay steamed crabs or even Florida grouper depending on your location. Season with some Old Bay or Tony Cachere’s and you have a feast just using your grill or boiling some water on your stove top for a quick surf steamer. Add a green salad and crisp veggies and you are in heaven! Near many seaside towns we find weekly farmer’s markets which sometimes include seafood caught by local fishermen in addition to the expected fresh fruits and veggies. Getting off the boat and stretching our legs is an added bonus as our 44 foot home can get a bit cozy by the time the cooler holiday season rolls around. Decorate your Table One of the many creature comforts we have enjoyed aboard our boat is our Christmas china. Yes, we have china and crystal stowed away for special celebrations...and in the 18 years since we first moved aboard we broke less fragile items than we ever did living on land. Now as dirt dwellers we have further to reach when moving items from cupboard to table and I swear the all too convenient dishwasher has teeth to grind away on our delicate glassware. Use your beer can koozies to surround fine wine glasses and the beer bottle koozies to protect your champagne flutes. Simply placing bubble wrap layered in between your china plates works wonders to keep the plates from chipping when you are in rough seas. In 1995 we started with service for 12 of our everyday china, thinking we would break some along the way…18 years later and we can still serve 12 for dinner. But all you really need is enough for your crew. Red cloth napkins certainly compliment the colors of the season and dress up our table for two...or twelve, if you invite other boat orphans as we often refer to those of us without our families aboard. The bonus of having red napkins is that they work for Valentines’ day, fourth of July, Memorial day and just about any other time you may want to feel less like camping when you dine aboard. Some of the harbors we’ve called home for the holidays have given us incredible memories. The year we were still in Charleston with ice on our decks made us realize that brrrr! we needed to be further south. When your wardrobe is limited you tend to follow the sun. In Fernandina Beach Florida we really learned to appreciate our tiny galley and the luxury of a generator as we meandered around the anchorage checking our depths. The aroma of roasted turkey, oyster stuffing and candied yams danced in our wake as cruisers popped out of their cabins to see what was creating memories of a home cooked meal. Most of our boat neighbors were either reheating something in the microwave or having sandwiches on that chilly holiday after a long day on the water. Once anchored, we invited a few new friends to share the feast. Home is where the heart is…or where your boat is…Happy Holidays! These could be Side Bars for two no-cook recipes to insert somewhere in the article: No Bake Rum Balls With the holidays in mind I will share my mother's tried and true recipe for the most wonderful sweets that you don't have to bake, heat or otherwise have any culinary skill to create. Right up my alley! 2 cups graham cracker crumbs 2 cups crunched oreo cookies 1 cup powdered sugar* 1/8 tsp salt 1 cup chopped nuts (walnuts or pecans) 1.5 Tbsp honey or syrup 1/2 cup rum *Set aside a bit more powdered sugar or powdered cocoa to coat the rum balls. Just roll 'em around in it.* Mix all ingredients together except the rum in a bowl with your hands. Gradually add rum, mixing until the ingredients hold together. Then just add rum a few more drops at a time. Roll into 1 inch balls then roll in powdered sugar or powdered cocoa. Set on waxed paper and cover inside a lidded box. Store at room temperature. Even a shoe box will do if you don't have an airtight box. The rum evaporates quicker if it's not airtight. Uh-oh!   GulfStar Gazpacho This recipe makes a lot so have a large no-spill container with a lid to store it in. Trust me, you'll want to make this much so you can serve your guests and still have leftovers. It's a bit messy but no cooking is involved! 3 Tbsp Olive Oil 1 Garlic Clove - smashed 8 saltine crackers crumbs 2 cups beef bullion 1 chopped onion 3 celery stalks - chopped 4 sprigs parsley - chopped 6 sprigs watercress - chopped 2 cups tomato juice 2 Tbsp lemon juice 1/4 tsp pepper a few shakes of Crystal hot sauce 1 large chopped tomato 1 cucumber - peeled and chopped* *Notice a theme here? chop everything FINELY if you don't have a food processor or blender. Start by setting aside the garlic and olive oil in a small dish to meld the flavors. Then in your blender (or by hand with a plastic baggie and rolling pin) crunch up your saltines then pour in bullion, add onions, celery, parsley and watercress. Add oil and garlic to blender mix (remove garlic if you're not afraid of Vampires). Then add everything but the chopped tomatoes and cucumbers and give the blender a whirl. Pour liquid into lidded containers and refrigerate for at least 4 hours. Overnight works too. When ready to serve, scoop chopped tomatoes and cucumbers into soup bowls and pour gazpacho over fresh veggies. Be really decadent and top with a dollop of sour cream. Yummy on a hot day and filling enough to be a meal with some crusty French bread.